Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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