Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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