I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
