WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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