Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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