pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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