As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
