Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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