Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
