He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
