Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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