never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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