Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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