so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is Oprah even human
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
