pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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