The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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