I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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