she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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