either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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