In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
