Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
