I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
