I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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