Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
