Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
