Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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