hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
