This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can you bring me the toilet please
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
