Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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