Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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