I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize