I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
