If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
