so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
