He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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