Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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