I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
