I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
