Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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