i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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