its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
