He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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