he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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