i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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