How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
