I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
