You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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