ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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