Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
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She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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