After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
