no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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