My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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