So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
