it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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