I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
