We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I touched a dick in church today
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
