I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
