I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
