i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
