The maid of honor just puked.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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