He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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