She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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