i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
