I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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