you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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