Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
