I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
