my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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