walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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