That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
