my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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