And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
