So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
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Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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